Time Tangle - (a satire on Daylight Saving Time)

Time Tangle     by Paul Howlett  

The cow farmers in Queensland said that Daylight Saving Time will make the curtains fade, and they did not want the State to adopt such a radical measure.

Down in the deep south of New South Wales, the State adopted Daylight Saving Time with glee.  In fact they have extended Daylight Saving Time for an extra month.   

All the curtains in New South Wales are now in deadly peril, or so some Queenslanders think.

Victoria and Tasmania are in the same predicament, as their curtains are too subject to the deadly Daylight Saving Virus.

Queensland will come to the rescue, as Queensland will petition the Queen of England to issue an edict that all States in Australia abandon the awful practice of Daylight Saving Time and conform to the correct time, as set by GMT (Greenwich Mean Time) and never to deviate from it.  

People of Queensland rejoice

 

Loud praises to our pommie* Queen      

We will sing   -  we will sing

We have saved the curtains

All the curtains of the land

No more fading no more pains

Colourful curtains are on hand!

 

                                                                ***

                                                                 
*(pommie = English person)

Alice Without Malice (a fun poem)

Alice Without Malice           by Paul Howlett

I read the story of Alice…

Eating very strange mushrooms

Seeing weird rabbits and mice

Her body ever changing, to wonder

“Where the F*** am I?” she pondered

Along empty corridors of the mind

Meeting people of pride and power

Uttering vicious words all of the time

Petty, ugly, lowdown commands

Off with the head, you’re dead

Headless? or what was that she said

The cat on the fence was a head

And smiling all of the time

Thinking of what she was doing

Making madness feel sublime!  

Visit to Versailles in 1991

Visit to France (1991) Versailles              by Paul Howlett

I landed at Charles de Gaulle airport in May 1991 and drove my little red rented Citroen through the streets of Paris in terror.  I had not slept on the plane and was so jetlagged for my first drive on the left hand side of the road.  It took me over four hours to get to my hotel at Versailles. (It should have been a 40 minute trip, but of course, I as lost in Paris and France for some hours before I found my way to Versailles.)

Hotel De La Chasse (1991)

Sadly when I looked for this hotel on Google Earth some weeks ago, I found that the hotel had changed.  Now totally renovated in 2014, the hotel just says PUB on the outside of the building.  I think that the ambience of the old hotel looked a lot better, in keeping with being close to the Palace of Versailles.

In my hotel room.

I really had a scare after pressing the button of my toilet, in my room of this hotel, as the toilet growled at me in a ferocious sound.  I looked at my toilet in amazement as it growled and shook and shredded everything. Then the “shredder” pumped the sewage along a tiny pipe, situated against the skirting board at the base of the wall. Comprehension dawned in my jetlagged brain; I understood that this hotel was so old that the plumbing was layered on top of the existing floors and walls!

This is the Versailles Town Hall.  I had never seen such an elaborate building for a local government building.  I was to learning later on as I visited more towns in France that most “Town Halls” we all big and beautiful in their own way. (Second photo I took, when I first arrived in France).

Photo of Versailles Town Hall and the Police.  

The police were busy towing away a car that had been parked there illegally.

A day later I saw the police drive up the road, lights blazing siren on only to find that they drove to the late night pizza kiosk. (I assume that they really must have been hungry for a late night snack).

 

Apollo Fountain in the gardens of the Palace of Versailles.

Another fountain in the Gardens in the Back of the Palace of Versailles.

Tourists walking about in the Gardens of Versailles

I looked all over the Palace of Versailles, with a jetlag headache.  I was not allowed to take pictures inside the Palace, so here are a few pictures I took outside in the grounds. I, of course bought a book on the interior of the Palace of Versailles, and I have that book somewhere, I hope. 

I do remember on the second time I went to see the inside of the Palace of Versailles that it was so crowded that I was jammed up, (wall to wall of hot human bodies), inside the Palace as I shuffled from one room to another.  That was a very unpleasant experience, as I just kept hearing the announcements in several languages, to beware of pickpocket who could steal all your money and papers!  I realise that I was on a Sunday, with all the local tourists, as well as the international tourists all wanting to see the Palace of Versailles at the same time.  I vowed that if I ever get to see the Palace of Versailles again, that I will visit the Palace in the middle of the week, and as early in Spring as possible.  Then hopefully the sheer number of people will be less next time I get to pay the Palace of Versailles a visit.

    

                                                                 ***

“Inside My Body Feels Like Chaos.” By Paul Howlett

“Inside My Body Feels Like Chaos.”    By Paul Howlett

Chaos and my body were good friends a couple of years ago.  I had pains in my guts.  I thought it was muscle strain, stomach upset or too much heavy lifting.

Hot showers, late at night were the answer, or so I thought.  This seemed to give me some relief.  This turned out to be the wrong move, as I nearly collapsed one night, in the shower with extreme pain throughout my body.

I staggered to the hall, told my wife to call 000 for an ambulance as I was in so much pain that I could not think straight.  I managed to don a t-shirt and pants, and staggered literately out the front door of my home to await help.

The ambulance staff proceeded to make me as comfortable as possible; they gave me a plastic cigar with morphine soaked inside it to suck on! 

This was my first trip, ever, in an ambulance and we arrived early in the morning at the Hospital Emergency entrance.  I was placed into an admission nursing bay, which happened to be opposite the desks of the hospital staff. I amused myself watching the staff in their coloured coded shirts, come and go.  A kind nurse came by, recognised that I was in pain and gave me a nice shot of something to make me feel a little better.

My body still felt like it was fighting a battle royal, with the republicans winning the fight. I was trundled off to various machines to be X-rayed, scanned and tested.

Some hours later I was told by medical staff that I had a fever, and an extremely infected gall bladder.  I was moved into the main ward and hooked up to a number of drips, give no solid food for a week and then sent home for six weeks to await surgery.

The Storm

              The Storm   by Paul Howlett

When the dark clouds were on the horizon and looming large and dark; silly me decided to go for a walk.

I thought that the storm was a long way off, and I had all the time in the world to take my daily exercise.

I took off along the streets of my neighbourhood, with my MP3 playing in my ears. I was happy and walked down a long road with my back to the storm clouds.

On reached the end of my road, I turned around and much to my  surprise I could see lighting and the storm clouds were almost over the whole suburb.

I hurried back as fast as I could walk.  The lightning flashed  and the thunder boomed, but I made it back home in time to garage the car. These summer storms in Queensland can come packed with hail, to dent your treasured machine. 

Fortunately this storm had no hail, but Oh Boy did it have some wind.

The dark clouds rolled across my house, the wind commenced to roar, and the palm tree nextdoor looked more like a rag in the wind, than a recognizable tree.    

I opened my front door and took a few photos before the ensuing rain came and forced me back inside.

The storm blew over without too much damage.  My nextdoor neighbour’s “Christmas Lights” Tree blew over and that was about all that really was potentially damaged.

The rain then settled in for the night and I know in my heart that our grounds, lawns, trees and district need more rain.

I just wish it did not start with a storm!